Twelve

With the last embrace long forgotten,

Arms still cradling your silhouette

Tingle with atrophy.

Eyes completely black in concentration

I impose beauty upon you.

Every crack in your skin, every wound…

You absolutely glow with warm red light bled from many men.

So when you lay your hands upon me-

I crackle and my pulse slows- then quickens.

Losing my train of thought,

The palms of your hands sliding down my back feel all at once rough and turn my skin raw.

Your lips are as broken glass and cut deeper as your passion increases.

Utterly devoid of inner strength to contain the delicate beauty draining from your person,

I gaze upon you.

And sink deeper in love.

 

Moonshine in a Gold Cup

Chasing it so far that my stocking is torn and my breath is ragged.

I doused nearby lilies in the scant amount of kerosene that remained in my pocket.

The trees lit up with deep purple electricity in judgement.

For a moment my mind rolled past my object of desire.

I could smell it’s tracks beyond the crackling moisture.

Focus reaffirmed it’s grip on my legs and I ran.

Until I could no longer see the crest of either mountain. I ran.

And all at once, sitting upon an old wooden fence, there it was.

Machinery blasted nearby somewhere but it did not flinch from the sound.

It winked and beckoned me close.

Knowing my goal, it beckoned me anyways.

It took my hand and without knowing why, red infringing on my mind,

I snatched it back and ran in horror. 

Ten

I place in his hands with the gentle ease I’ve summoned,

Remnants of flowers.

Dead and dry. Brittle yet fragrant.

Unable to allow words to tumble from my lips,

my eyes explode with a desperate desire for understanding.

I break out in sweat. Air leaves my lungs in a galloping rhythm.

“This. Is important.”

My shadow grows so dark it inks the wall. Frozen, it depicts my outstretched hands in a cradle.

I push all of my weight into him until my heart is beside his heart. Raw. Constantly dripping life.

“This. Is important.”

Pieces of flowers drift from his grasp- becoming lost in the air like so many souls of the past.

He doesn’t understand it is important.

 

Te Sakam

Completed with hurt and pain, a boy set out to find love.

Half-blind with misunderstandings he could only recognize a glimpse.

A glimpse of connectivity or the subtle brushing back of  girl’s hair.

The boy’s head began to throb, time was ticking exponentially.

Mist filled his senses and he started to choke.

Until he saw the silhouette of a young girl skating around him in loose figure eights.

He leaped before her and ripped his heart from his chest and put it at her feet. He told her his secrets, entwined his fingers with hers and told her of his impending doom.

She sat, cross-legged beside him and invited him to lay his head pounding with fear on her lap. She looked down the bridge of his nose to see a single tear of relief falling.

He had transformed the branches of her pathway to a single road. Dusty and well worn with footsteps. He asked would she travel with him, he could not walk alone.

She slid her tongue along the edge of her teeth and nodded her head, yes.

The pain in his head subsided and he wrapped her in translucent pink gauze for the journey.

Walking on her right side, never looking at her, only ahead, he sensed soldiers of an unknown army running in the woods beside them.

Shaking with panic, he threw her to the ground. Accusations shot from his fingertips and encircled her wrists. She ran through every word she knew to say love. She told him in every language that had ever been spoken. She loved him, she loved him.

He pulled her up slowly. But it was not the same anymore. The love was gone now. Alarms screeched from somewhere, he had set them to go off now.

He gave her one last glance and ran back from whence he came. He needed to find love once again.

A hand against the side of his head. He ran until he found it.

 

Six

Her breath is heavy and woven with impatience.

I can’t help but feel her expectations.

Her need is drowning me. If I cared to look closer I would see that she’s drowning too.

I know I can never deliver all the comfort and reassurance she craves.

I can hear her speaking to me from somewhere within my body.

Her scent permeates my pores.

I hate her, for she makes me want to save her.

Her beautiful eyes, so deep, so lipid, so tortured beneath it all.

She’s sitting there – loving me.

Loving every single thing about me. Thinking about me every moment. Her presence is all at once around me like a fog.

I can no longer see or think clearly.

My head pounds with all the loved ones banished to the recesses of my mind.

I blame her, the blame is overwhelming. It cuts my skin, turning it gnarled and ugly. It never touches her.

She’s ethereal yet soaked with flaws. Mistakes and regret drip from her eyelashes.

She cries and my anger melts away.

I want so badly to touch the curve of her face. I’m frightened to sit too close – I know she’ll never let me go.

She’s hurt much too long-

She’s been fractured beyond repair-

Why can’t I look away from her face?

All at once I know, I’ll never leave.

I’ll never stop reaching for her, trying to lift her out of her deep pain. Never stop fighting every single shadow and ghost that haunts her. Night upon night.

And in the moment that the certainty of that thought occurs-

Dread and horror inevitably follow.

She has me now, I’m lost with her. I cease to be.

I should have refused to sit with myself.

 

Canucks Jersey

Bare legs dangling from the bed with indecision,

Led to mischievous wandering through fog and mud,

Dark and clear, shining.

Superfluous glamour with fingertips sliding past my lips,

Remaining wide-eyed craving.

Diving deep into tepid decisions,

Autumn comes quick and suddenly,

Brisk, red, forgetful.

Chewing on an unpainted nail, blowing air toward my right eye…

Look to the side, studying.

I was kept safe today.

Seven

He inhaled with a sharp wheeze,

Flames licked upon the back of his neck – he shakes his head.

He eyes began to film over and he no longer saw her.

She phased, contorted, became less than she was, had a hold of more than she did.

He used her tears as ammunition, her pauses as admissions of guilt she was unaware hung on her shoulders.

He danced her off her spinning platform and she found herself continually spinning.

Shotgun, oxygen depleted he saw her and couldn’t for all the length of his arms steady the frenzy which was pooling around her

Everything bigger than them knew what would crumble and what would not.

Yet could only watch each synapse come alive and die out, and not utter a word.

He was left with confusion brushing past him. Racing in a direction not knowing if he was running to or from.

She was left clinging to the hard concrete road – hoping that when she opened her eyes, the world would be still,

once again.

 

Guild of One

Lured onto a Isle where my people came,

Into a body that was not my own.

Scared, confused and embarrassed of continuing on,

I saw many races and classes moving quickly by me,

I chose to walk slowly and open my eyes to this world.

And see past it.

I left my cloak, chest, shoulders, gloves and boots. Carried useless things in my backpack. Upon my mount, ran around a fountain all day and all night, calling out.

Tempting people to come and show me their true self. That sort of thing is not done in this world.

When I saw what great strength I had built, I started a guild of men and women and made it my family.

I kept them close to me and treated them well.

Some became too close. Some drifted away.

I kept calling out for these men and women until my guild had ballooned to over 500 souls.

A family of warriors and healers.

More depended on me than I could keep safe, so I entrusted some of my leadership to a few select members.

We thrived in happiness and productivity.

Until our kindness allowed maleficent forces into our guild.

A man and a woman who were driven to success by destruction. A man and a woman who had gifts to tempt and confuse our family. And they created doubt and animosity among us.

Those with the greatest magic and power were tempted to leave to more affluent guilds.

Those whom were weakest, were made to feel devalued.

And it crumbled before us. They were made to leave before they could take our riches but the damage had been done. 

I told the last loyal few to go and continue their destiny elsewhere, there was nothing left for them. The great battles could not be won with so few.

Our people were scattered. Some made names as great warriors in other guilds. Some stopped living in this world and returned home.

But there is one I asked to remain. A young girl with growing powers. Deep and sensual magic she possesses. She retained our riches and stayed behind to gather supplies in great numbers.

For one day, when we are again strong, we will call our people back.

She alone holds the name of our guild safe. And long after people have forgotten our past glories and sorrow, we will rebuild.

But for the meantime, it is only a guild of one.

 

 

 

Five

If you ever believe anything I say,

Believe this.

There is a ghost right beside you.

This ghost is not here to haunt you.

This ghost is not here to harm you.

This ghost is not here to love you.

This ghost, is here to observe you.

Observe everything you do and everything you feel-

He notices everything. He notices every time your face twitches in pain. Knows who it is that makes you smile, even when it doesn’t show upon your lips. He notes every nervous habit, every fear, every hope, every dream, every sin, every deed.

Good or bad.

At the end of a period of time that you could never measure, he stops observing.

As sudden as he began.

And he speaks to you.

At first you’re not sure what language he’s speaking.

You understand it, but don’t know how. Whatever language, he speaks slow and deliberate.

You understand him to be telling you the reason for watching you.

You understand him to say that you aren’t special.

You understand him when he says on a personal level that he is jealous of you.

You hear him tell you that being so near to you for this period of time, infected him.

He cries at night now.

He feels everything now.

He says you introduced him to emotions he cannot control.

He did not observe you control them either.

You understand him to say, he doesn’t know what to do. 

 

 

One

Slowly waking, parting lips,

the warmth creeping away from my body like a shadow with the rising sun.

A diagonal weight across my chest for the lack of your hold. Reassurance in a new way- harsh, piercing.

Sinking in a circle, both my palms slipping down your chest.

A sound, a gasp – need.

I retreat into an idea, colours cover my face. My vision sweeps up the wall, along the ceiling.

Projections with mixed memories,

hands clasped, shades of grey

make it a reverie.

Sudden- static. A flash of tangled legs and I turn my head.

I smirk with tomorrow’s breath on my neck. And search alone for the warmth.