The Death Silencer (Portrait of A Guild Member)

He came to us having fought many battles.

Not illustrious as most of our warriors, but strong hearted.

He stayed to himself mostly at first, fighting beside us but sleeping and dining alone.

As our numbers grew, we needed to explore farther in the world.

And we needed volunteers that would represent us well to the other tribes and guilds.

Fierce warriors and competent healers. Battle leaders without fear.

This newest member to our guild stood before our Empress and bowed in a symbol that he too would join us in our travels.

She had doubts as did we all. He was not strong enough, we thought.

Our Empress had him stand and questioned him,

She asked, “This journey is not for the faint of heart. There will be death and evil following at your heels.”

She continued, “Perilous terrain and ancient magic… why do you stand before me? You wish to die?”

He spoke, ” If I die, I die for you, in your name.”

She laughed, shortly, “You die in MY name? What am I to you? You have not been here long, what loyalty could you have for us?”

He bowed again, ” I do not possess many titles or have as glorious achievements as your other warriors. But I have a sword that I have blessed with the blood of my ancestors and my loyalty, when given, is to THE DEATH. I came here from across the land and sea because I heard your call. I have seen many leaders and many that command more bloodthirsty guilds, but your kindness and heart has gathered the most noble and honorable fighters in all of this world. They have laid down their lives for you and so must I. It is my destiny and you cannot convince me otherwise.”

Kneeling down so she was eye to eye with the warrior, she spoke very slowly and deliberately, “What is your name, warrior?”

“I am the Silencer of Death, and I am now yours.”

“Death Silencer, go with our men and women to the lands of the Queen of the South, the Jungle lands. Defeat her and end her reign. Prove to me there that you love me as you say. Bring all of my people home safely and you will get your titles and my love in return.”

We travelled south with the Silencer of Death across mountains dry as deserts for weeks upon weeks.

We came upon the gates of the Queen of the South.

Our Battle Leader cried out for us to harness our bravery for the honor of the Empress.

“Magic is here my friends, be wary.”

Our group trekked through the gates and the air became unbearably humid.

We drew our weapons and our healers gathered their potions.

Through the jungle, killing unnatural and aggressive creatures that followed us and hid among the trees.

Traps set by the Queen’s spies were detected by the mystics that travelled with us.

We reached the Queen’s throne upon which she sat, arrogant and tempting, with seemingly no defense.

Our Battle Leader spoke to her,

“We have come to defeat you and end your reign of night and death, in the name of—“

“I KNOW for whom you fight,” she snarled.

She stood. We trembled in her glory and beauty.

“She has tried to take my best warriors! For a ‘better’ purpose they told me…… but If they cannot be loyal to me, they will be loyal to no one!”

She waved her arm to her side and the trees parted slightly to reveal a gruesome sight. Men and women garbed in full battle gear, their bodies twisted and deformed. Dead.

“Try your very best, peasants. For I will kill you all in MY NAME.” She let forth a bloodthirsty scream.

Our Battle Leader, hardened by war, had no fear of this lady of dark magic.

He let loose the warrior’s battle cry which strengthened us all.

And we advanced.

As we did we saw dark creatures with no faces crawl out from behind the Queen’s throne and double in size before our very eyes. Sharp teeth and hands with a mystical glow.

Our best warriors ran towards the creatures and dodged attacks of magic and of their sharp ripping claws. They used their sheer will and determination to cut these creatures down. We used our shields to protect our healers who were chanting to keep us alive.

As our strongest group bettered the last of the dark creatures and approached the Queen once again, they were lifted up in a gust of mighty wind, turning them and twisting them in pain. They screamed out.

Our healers stood and used their magic to no avail.

The Queen laughed.

The rest of the Warriors ran past our brothers and sisters writhing in agony in the air, to stop the evil Queen’s spell. Only to be thrown backwards.

We faced certain defeat.

The Death Silencer stood back and had not tried to attack once.

The Battle Leader yelled down towards him, in a tortured voice, “You owe the Empress your life. FIGHT, at least try to fight. We need every…..last…soul….”

“I know.” He spoke softly.

He drew open his cloak and we could see his hands and arms trembling and from his fingertips there was a magic light. Slowly he held his arms out pointing this light at the Queen.

“What is THIS?” she shrieked.

He let out almost a disappointed sigh and turned his hands towards the warriors, near-death still twisting and turning in air.

Our remaining warriors screamed at him to stop. Our Battle Leader closed his eyes to accept the death from this traitor.

“What? Oh this is grand! You are going to kill your own? Oh this is grand indeed.” She spun around laughing in glee.

She spoke to the Death Silencer, “Let me help you.”

With an evil smile she cancelled her spell and our warriors dropped to the ground harshly. Most too weak to even lift their heads.

“At your will, kind sir.” The Queen of the South presented our fallen men and women as an easy target for this man with magic he had kept hidden from us all.

He took a deep breath and let loose his magic on our people.  And as his light surrounded them and they let out moans and the Queen continued to laugh, a most peculiar thing happened.

The leaves from the trees surrounding us began to fall. They turned a brilliant green and fell. When they reached a fallen warrior, that warrior was overcome with a warm feeling of well-being and health.

Our strongest warriors began to rise.

“Deception! You, you are a HEALER??” The Queen raised her arms and the sky darkened.

She threw a gust of blisteringly hot air to rip through us all. We would be boiled alive.

But when her spell reached the front of our peoples it simply ran over and around us.

We were unharmed.

A great scream rose up from behind us.

The Death Silencer was on his knees, hands outstretched, holding onto some sort of protection spell that was shielding us all. But it was causing him agony.

Seeing this, our Battle Leader, now at full strength let loose his battle cry once more.

We rushed forth in an onslaught and as easy as any mortal, we slay the Queen.

In a great celebratory spirit we turned to see the Death Silencer lying on the cold ground, unconscious.

“We must get him back to the Empress. He saved us all.”

And so we travelled in half the time it had taken to arrive, back home.

We were greeted with a great Victory Celebration.

The Death Silencer, who had not regained consciousness still, was laid before the Empress.

“Leave us please.” The Empress walked to his side.

The Empress, herself possessing great magic, lay her hand on the chest of The Death Silencer. And his eyes opened.

“I am not a great healer like you are, so I cannot return you to full health. Only time and the help of our healers will do this.”  She placed her other hand upon his brow.

“I am so very sorry Empress,” he whispered.

“Sorry? For saving all of our people and returning them home? Yes I could see why you would be sorry, ” she teased.

He let out a weak laugh. “No. I wanted to be a warrior for you. To fight your battles. I’m not a healer….”

“But you are.” Her voice softened.  “You know the only people that come when I call? People with greatness inside them. With good. You are a competent warrior but not a great one. There is no shame in that. You have a great power that saved us all. I am proud of you. And I thank you.”

She walked away from him, “I must leave you now. I have arranged for our best healers to help you and for a celebration in your honor. You have your title which we will talk about when you are stronger and, Silencer of Death, you have my love.”

When the Death Silencer was once again strong he was instated to the High Council of the Empress. The only people who held posts here were the most trusted and beloved members of the guild.

He gradually gained more control over his powers of healing and became the personal healer of the Empress. He fought in every major battle for the rest of the guild’s history.

When the guild was disbanded, he was made to move on and could not stay with the Empress. But even to this day, he loves her still.

 

 

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Shane Powers!!!

Where the hell are you? I mean granted I’ve gone years without pushing the issue but tonight I’m on a rampage and I’m pissed off that such a public figure just… disappears! And Twitter doesn’t count.

Shane Powers had this blog that made my day, every day. He was angry, smart, sensitive in an assholish way…. and the only blog I’ve EVER cared about. He put his real opinion out there, couldn’t care less what people thought and he did it in a really entertaining yet intelligent way.

And now? Where are you Shane Powers? I googled your photo to try and get one of those grainy black and white pics of you looking like you were on the last day of a ten day bender with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth and NOT ONE PIC. Except from when you were on Survivor and try to imagine how little I care about that.

I’ll find you Shane Powers, I need you to be what you were, not some shitty Twitter, Kardashian following nerd. Come back NOW.

The Macklemore Possession

Macklemore is mine. No I’m not a crazed fan. You probably took that in the way some crazy twelve year old Bieber fan would say it. But no, I mean…. Macklemore is mine.

Very rarely some type of artist, musical or not comes into my life and becomes a person in my life to the point where I feel as if I know him or her. Long before MTV did or ITunes did, I knew about a hip hop artist named Macklemore. I fell sleep to his music, drove to his music, worked to his music and cried to his music. And now that he’s hit the big time, it’s the same feeling I get with my kids when they hit a milestone. He’s like family and I’m so proud. But the selfish girl in me is looking around saying, ummm helllllo, didn’t you know I liked him first, he’s MY family?

It’s all sounding like some neo-Misery plot but it’s authentic. It touches my soul when he raps. And I want him to be able to escape every pit fall that is presented to those shot into stardom. He unlike many others, has worked his tail off for it. Struggled with sobriety. Kept his friends close. Treats his women good. Tells complete strangers his heart and his humor. He’s you and he’s me.

But don’t forget he’s also mine.

My selfish mind doesn’t believe he touches anyone else’s heart or mind. But a step as a human is…. go download it, go listen to it. You’re welcome.

The Facebook Theory

Now I’m not talking about why Facebook was invented, we all saw The Social Network. I’m not talking about it becoming a public company, its advertising or apps or anything like that. I’m talking about the idea we have of Facebook, how we would want it to work in theory.

It strikes me as I sit here having just made a status post that I thought was mildly interesting that I care way more than I probably should about receiving “likes” or comments on said post.

I went to a party recently and a friend said, “I love your Facebook posts!” Really? Well I’m flattered but really? I post from the boring, “I just made a sandwich”, to the political, “Rabble rabble rabble… to the personal, “My husband is a dick…” Well no, they are more eloquent than that most of the time but still, why would anyone LOVE them? I know. Because I put my whole life out there to be picked apart. And people are shocked sometimes. I have 90’s Howard Stern moments.

But the reason I post and share and participate in the phenomena that is the giant of our lives, Facebook (bow in awe), is for a deeper and more profound meaning. I want to be loved. I want this space where I’m surrounded by people who I know and cherish and that care about me. Actually truly care. So there is this cyber place where I can word vomit to 500 of my “friends” and they are all going to care right? I’m going to put personal sometimes the most vulnerable information on Facebook and every single one of them is going to care and love me anyways. Right?

In theory.

We are now this culture of sharing every single moment in our lives. Facebook, Youtube, Intagram, the now defunct MySpace…. because we want the world to see our unique selves for everything we are and love us. It’s a valid theory. Given the strength and bravery of sitting behind a computer screen we can be honest or maybe skew the truth in our favour and then we can sit back and watch the masses rally around us in this show of support and solidarity and awe that we are so unique and they never knew! Wow!

But in truth…. human nature comes out. And human nature is a bipolar and scary thing. As much or maybe more than we are capable of acceptance and understanding we too are capable of hateful hateful things. As the computer or smart phone or tablet gives us the bravery to bare our soul it also allows us to release our demons on poor unsuspecting souls that just wanted you to like them. They didn’t want the judgement or the hate or the indifference. They never knew that’s what they might get.

Now, I have had mainly positive times on Facebook. Some relationships have gotten closer and it gives me this sense (maybe falsely so) that I’m hanging on to those co-workers or family members or school mates that I used to be friendly with. But that theory that my page will be this meeting place of all this positive love for me….. well THAT never quite happened. I get as much flack for my posts as I do praise. But you know what? I’m me on there as I am on here, perhaps skewed in moments of weakness but for the most part…. you get me.

But here is the fatal fatal flaw with The Facebook Theory. You could have the largest, most close knit group of friends on this social media site. They love every pic you post, only kind and supportive words for you. But at the end of the day you find absolutely no solace in their good will because you wish it was at your front door instead of your newsfeed.

I have disdain for bloggers

It’s one of those prejudices I haven’t come to terms with yet. Eventually I seem to find acceptance for most groups of people that previously I hold in extreme and sometimes illogical contempt. But as of right now, Bloggers aren’t on my list of people I have crazy respect for. I may lump them in with this crazy culture of media whores that is engulfing our entire generation of young people.

 

So why start blogging?

God I don’t know. Boredom? Some mental defect that causes me to spew out my opinions and feelings in a random and constant manner? This deep urge to write and this deeper feeling like I am or should be good at it? Postpartum depression that keeps nipping at my heels right now?

But, then how can you still feel the way you do about bloggers? I mean, isn’t that hypocritical?

Yes. I am a hypocrite. Darn tootin’. (First time I have ever said or written darn tootin’ by the way)

Why would anyone want to read what you write though?

I don’t think they will? I mean, I’m not sure even if I want them to. I’ve always been really out there and public about somethings (see my Facebook page…) but very private about others… and if I start writing….well…. historically it’s a warts and all type situation. But. If someone reads what I write and thinks, ‘wow that’s weird or different but I GET it’, maybe it’s some sort of closure on my crazy crazy past and that I have some worth as a writer? I care way too much what people think to be honest.

Well… what if you aren’t a good writer?

*sigh* You had to go and ask me that to put doubts in my head right? Maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m not. But I do know this: I have written things in these dark and perhaps twisted moments of my life that I looked at in the morning and it did then and still does move my soul. Honestly, truly… I write for me.

Why not keep a diary then? Instead of a blog.

It’s more real if I’m not the only one reading it. I’ll hold myself to a higher standard. Maybe I’ll move someone else, you never know.

 

Yes I can interview myself at a moment’s notice. I’m crazy. And I’m not sure I want to pay $18 for a .com. Free is my friend right now. Stay with me…stay.